November 4, 2008
Manx Party catidates Douglas and Benny congratulate Senator Barack Obamanx and Senator Joe Bitin’, the next President and Vice President of the United States! Mission accomplished: We put a Black Cat in the White House! We also want to give our thanks to Senator McCairn Terrier, especially for saying Douglas is a good cat.
Douglas would like all Manx Party supporters to stand and sing the Manx Party National Anthem:
Oh beautiful for Fancy Feast,
For bites that inflict pain,
For Scottish Folds and Siamese,
For Manx, and Coons of Maine.
I shed my fur on thee,
And crown thy good with Meow Mix food,
And marshmallows for me!
November 4, 2008
Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas is urging his supporters to vote for the Obamanx-Bitin’ ticket. “I throw up my support to them,” he said through a spokesperson. “A vote for Obamanx is a vote for Douglas, and a vote for Bitin’ is a vote for Benny. We both agree that this is the best strategy for cats, and their owners.”
Douglas and Benny were planning to appear in Grant Park at the Obamanx rally on Election Night.
May 21, 2008
Following Manx Party primary victories in West Virginia, Kentucky, and Oregon, the Douglas-Benny ticket now has enough pledged delegates for the nomination. The whole world will be watching when the black cat duo is formally nominated at the Manx Party convention at the Chicago Hilton and Towers this summer.
A Douglas spokesperson also passed along Douglas’ best wishes for Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy. “Senator Kennedy has served the Boston Terrier community well over the past decades, and he’s also been a great friend of the Irish Setters, Water Spaniels, Terriers, and Wolfhounds. Like the Manx, the Irish never quit, and Douglas is sure that Ted will come out of this latest setback fighting. Douglas is sending him some Lucky Charms marshmallows.”
February 19, 2008
The Cheeseheads have spoken! Wisconsin has given the Manx Party victory to a FIB – a Fluffy Illinois Benny, that is, and his running mate Douglas.
“Usually, we hate it when those FIBs from Illinois come up and drive all over our state, but Benny is a Friendly Illinois Black cat, so we enjoyed having him visit,” said an anonymous Manx Party voter. “We like Douglas, too, even though his owner won’t eat our most famous product.”
Douglas, still eating the flowers from the lei he received in Hawaii last weekend, had no comment.
February 18, 2008
The world’s greatest marshmallow and pineapple eating cat, Douglas, visited Hawaii in anticipation of Tuesday’s Manx Party caucuses. While visiting that island paradise, Douglas stressed the importance of ocean conservation. “The oceans are not just for humans, but are important to all life on Earth, especially cats because we love fish,” a Douglas spokesperson said. “We can’t afford to have any more oil wasted on the oceans and upon our seas, or fish full of mercury. A Douglas-Benny administration will see to this.”
Douglas later visited a fruit ranch, where he tasted papaya, pineapple, pumpkin and poi, and sampled sugar cane. He caused a minor stir when, at Waikiki Beach, he noticed a humuhumunukunukuapuaʻa go swimming by and tried to catch it with his paws; however, Douglas says he was only trying to shake paws with the locals.
As his plane took off, he issued the following statement: “Like another Douglas said in the Pacific many years ago: I shall return!” Aloha, Douglas!
February 15, 2008
Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas visited Northern Illinois University on Friday in the wake of an on-campus shooting of five students.
“My owner spent her first three years of school in DeKalb when her father was working at Northern Illinois,” read a prepared statement. “She has wonderful memories of Lincoln School and of the student teachers from NIU. My owner is saddened at this incident, and so are Benny and I. I thought pet therapy would be helpful for the students. I may be a cat, but today, I am a Huskie.”
The catidate visited the Douglas Hall residence, where he ate popcorn and marshmallows with students and played with them. Later, he visited the Holmes Student Center where his owner’s father used to work, and then chased the ducks.
February 13, 2008
VP catidate Benny today pledged that he and his running mate Douglas will commit the U.S. to spending over 500 million dollars to halt the loss of India’s tiger population. Money for the Douglas-Benny program, called SIT! (Save India’s Tigers!), will come via ending the war in Iraq-which the duo will do in their first 100 days.
India has lost more than 50% of its tigers in the last five years.
In addition, the Douglas-Benny administration will help India improve tiger habitats throughout the country with funds and with a call for young volunteers to travel to India as part of the SIT! program.