Douglas, 1994-2009

December 13, 2009

It saddens us deeply to say that our beloved friend Douglas–Presidential hopeful on the Manx Party ticket with Benny in 2008–left this mortal catnip coil on December 8th. Douglas was a strong cat, but he succumbed to a kidney ailment over the last few days of his long and happy life. He spent his last hours with his companion, campaign manager Becky, at his home near Chicago.

Douglas was a loving and wonderful cat, filled with a love of life and abundant energy. No cat could jump higher or run more quickly from a standing start. No cat had better posture, or a coat that shined as much as Douglas’. Most of all, Douglas believed in a better world, and that’s why he ran for higher office. If leaping high in the air could have achieved it, he’d be our President right now.

Douglas’ faithful pal was Bella, and together they were running mates in 2000, narrowly losing to the Repub-lick-can catidates. Bella left us a few years ago. We here at the Manx Party hindquarters are sure that Douglas and Bella right now are romping about, sharing tall tales (sorry, Bella & Benny), and munching on a feast of marshmallows and Chopped Grille.

Rest in peace.

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No-tails: we win!!

November 5, 2008

Manx Party catidates Douglas and Benny congratulate our next president, Barack Obama!

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McCairn Terrier: Douglas Is A Good Cat

October 12, 2008

Repub-lick-can presidential candidate John McCairn Terrier, at a rally in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, expressed his admiration for Douglas. At the rally, while “Who Let The Dogs Out” blasted from overhead speakers, supporters of Sarah Pawlin called for Douglas to be put to sleep and said they were afraid of him.

“Now, wait a minute. Douglas is a good cat. You don’t have to be afraid of him,” said McCairn Terrier. “That is, unless you’re playing Here Comes the Snake and you’re wearing short sleeves. Then, you should be careful. You also should be careful if you’re drinking orange juice, or you’ll end up sharing it. I don’t want to hear any more about putting him to sleep, either, while he’s still healthy. Benny’s a good boy, too.”

The Pawlin fanatics were not pacified with this, and continued to howl and hiss like rabid Alaskan Malamutes. “But Benny’s a Persian!” screamed one. “No, he’s a long-hair Manx,” countered McCairn Terrier.

A Douglas spokesperson thanked McCairn Terrier for his comments, and invited him to share some orange juice with Douglas after the election.


Douglas and Benny: We Have No Earmarks

October 8, 2008

For those supporters who were wondering, neither Douglas nor Benny have ear marks. Both cats have ears that are completely black, with no stripes, patches, or other distinguishing marks.

Vote Manx 2008! Put a Black Cat in the White House!


Benny Takes Vested Interest in Safety

October 3, 2008

Manx Party VP catidate Benny arrived at Thursday night’s vice presidential debate wearing blaze-orange hunting safety gear.

Benny and Douglas are not yet protected by the Secret Service. However, Benny’s concern was due to Repub-lick-can Sarah Pawlin’s stance on animal rights.

Pawlin is a strong advocate of shooting wildlife from airplanes, among other cruelties. The catpaign says “Benny, being that he will be in close proximity to gun-toting Pawlin, is taking no chances, fearing that Pawlin could mistake the black, furry Manx cat for a bear cub, whip out a pistol, and gun Benny down.”

“That’s not putting country bears—or cats—first.”


The Douglas Debate

September 26, 2008

 

As Senators McCairn Terrier and Obamanx arrived at the University of Mississippi this evening for their first presidential debate, they were surprised to find Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas, ready for action. “We know that historically, candidates named Douglas perform well in debates, so naturally we wanted Douglas to participate,” said his catpaign manager.

The senators and Douglas, moderated by Jim Lehrer, answered questions about the economy and foreign policy, and the audience agreed not to applaud, cheer, or open any cans of Meow Mix Wholesome Goodness cat food. Part of the transcript follows:

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, what is your opinion on the current financial crisis?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, would you like to comment on whether or not the United States should intervene in Cuba?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

McCairn Terrier: “Come on, this is ridiculous. I’m not going to debate this black cat. He’s soft on spending, he’s soft on Communism, he’s soft on”

Obamanx: “Pss, pss, pss, Douglas, want some marshmallows?”

McCairn Terrier: “That’s not fair! Obamanx is influencing the catidate! I knew I shouldn’t have showed up! Shoot him, Sarah!”

Obamanx, now joined by Douglas at his podium: “Who’s a good boy? Yes, we eat out of cans! Can you catch the marshmallow?”

Lehrer: “Thank you, everyone. Good night, and may the best black cat win!”


Douglas-Benny: “Pause for Paws”

September 16, 2008

Repub-lick-can Sarah Pawlin is an advocate of hunting animals from an airplane.  Today, the Douglas-Benny Manx Party ticket launches “Pause for Paws”. Take a moment out of your day to think about the barbaric, inhumane practice of shooting defenseless wolves and other creatures from the air, for sport. Support Douglas for President, and Benny for Vice-President. Together, they will put an end to the cruelty.