No-tails: we win!!

November 5, 2008

Manx Party catidates Douglas and Benny congratulate our next president, Barack Obama!



McCairn Terrier: Douglas Is A Good Cat

October 12, 2008

Repub-lick-can presidential candidate John McCairn Terrier, at a rally in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, expressed his admiration for Douglas. At the rally, while “Who Let The Dogs Out” blasted from overhead speakers, supporters of Sarah Pawlin called for Douglas to be put to sleep and said they were afraid of him.

“Now, wait a minute. Douglas is a good cat. You don’t have to be afraid of him,” said McCairn Terrier. “That is, unless you’re playing Here Comes the Snake and you’re wearing short sleeves. Then, you should be careful. You also should be careful if you’re drinking orange juice, or you’ll end up sharing it. I don’t want to hear any more about putting him to sleep, either, while he’s still healthy. Benny’s a good boy, too.”

The Pawlin fanatics were not pacified with this, and continued to howl and hiss like rabid Alaskan Malamutes. “But Benny’s a Persian!” screamed one. “No, he’s a long-hair Manx,” countered McCairn Terrier.

A Douglas spokesperson thanked McCairn Terrier for his comments, and invited him to share some orange juice with Douglas after the election.

Douglas and Benny: We Have No Earmarks

October 8, 2008

For those supporters who were wondering, neither Douglas nor Benny have ear marks. Both cats have ears that are completely black, with no stripes, patches, or other distinguishing marks.

Vote Manx 2008! Put a Black Cat in the White House!

Benny Takes Vested Interest in Safety

October 3, 2008

Manx Party VP catidate Benny arrived at Thursday night’s vice presidential debate wearing blaze-orange hunting safety gear.

Benny and Douglas are not yet protected by the Secret Service. However, Benny’s concern was due to Repub-lick-can Sarah Pawlin’s stance on animal rights.

Pawlin is a strong advocate of shooting wildlife from airplanes, among other cruelties. The catpaign says “Benny, being that he will be in close proximity to gun-toting Pawlin, is taking no chances, fearing that Pawlin could mistake the black, furry Manx cat for a bear cub, whip out a pistol, and gun Benny down.”

“That’s not putting country bears—or cats—first.”

The Douglas Debate

September 26, 2008


As Senators McCairn Terrier and Obamanx arrived at the University of Mississippi this evening for their first presidential debate, they were surprised to find Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas, ready for action. “We know that historically, candidates named Douglas perform well in debates, so naturally we wanted Douglas to participate,” said his catpaign manager.

The senators and Douglas, moderated by Jim Lehrer, answered questions about the economy and foreign policy, and the audience agreed not to applaud, cheer, or open any cans of Meow Mix Wholesome Goodness cat food. Part of the transcript follows:

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, what is your opinion on the current financial crisis?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, would you like to comment on whether or not the United States should intervene in Cuba?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

McCairn Terrier: “Come on, this is ridiculous. I’m not going to debate this black cat. He’s soft on spending, he’s soft on Communism, he’s soft on”

Obamanx: “Pss, pss, pss, Douglas, want some marshmallows?”

McCairn Terrier: “That’s not fair! Obamanx is influencing the catidate! I knew I shouldn’t have showed up! Shoot him, Sarah!”

Obamanx, now joined by Douglas at his podium: “Who’s a good boy? Yes, we eat out of cans! Can you catch the marshmallow?”

Lehrer: “Thank you, everyone. Good night, and may the best black cat win!”

Benny Thoroughly “Veted”

September 2, 2008

Unlike Sarah Pawlin, vice-presidential nominee of the Repub-lick-can Party, Manx Party VP choice Benny has been thoroughly and completely veted. By a team of veterinarians.

While Pawlin’s record and credentials apparently were not checked sufficiently by the McCairn-Terrier campaign, Benny’s have been exhaustively researched by animal hospital vets, in both Michigan and Illinois, who are experts at this sort of thing. 

The Douglas-Benny ticket’s thoroughness is an example of how they will govern. We urge everyone to join the catpaign today!

Benny Welcomes Palin

August 30, 2008

Yesterday, the Repub-lick-can presumptive nominee, John McCairn-Terrier, appointed Sarah Pawlin to be his vice president. I welcome Ms. Pawlin to this important race. However, her ideas for leading our country are as wrong as can be, as are McCairn’s. More tax breaks for the rich, a continuation of the misguided war in Iraq, and cur-tailment of women’s rights are just a few examples of Repub-lick-can warmed-over leftovers that should have been thrown out years ago.

But in particular I want to draw attention to Pawlin’s dangerous, backward views towards our planet’s animal world. Her positions can be summed up in the photo below. An avid member and advocate of the National Rifle Association, Ms. Pawlin hunts, shoots and kills our beloved, beautiful moose and bear friends, and then uses them for food or—worse—for furniture.

We cannot let even more of our wildlife and wilderness be destroyed by such cruelty. Please join our Douglas-Benny catpaign today, and make our world a better place—a place that is safe for all living creatures to live and grow. Thank you.