Douglas, 1994-2009

December 13, 2009

It saddens us deeply to say that our beloved friend Douglas–Presidential hopeful on the Manx Party ticket with Benny in 2008–left this mortal catnip coil on December 8th. Douglas was a strong cat, but he succumbed to a kidney ailment over the last few days of his long and happy life. He spent his last hours with his companion, campaign manager Becky, at his home near Chicago.

Douglas was a loving and wonderful cat, filled with a love of life and abundant energy. No cat could jump higher or run more quickly from a standing start. No cat had better posture, or a coat that shined as much as Douglas’. Most of all, Douglas believed in a better world, and that’s why he ran for higher office. If leaping high in the air could have achieved it, he’d be our President right now.

Douglas’ faithful pal was Bella, and together they were running mates in 2000, narrowly losing to the Repub-lick-can catidates. Bella left us a few years ago. We here at the Manx Party hindquarters are sure that Douglas and Bella right now are romping about, sharing tall tales (sorry, Bella & Benny), and munching on a feast of marshmallows and Chopped Grille.

Rest in peace.

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McCairn Terrier: Douglas Is A Good Cat

October 12, 2008

Repub-lick-can presidential candidate John McCairn Terrier, at a rally in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, expressed his admiration for Douglas. At the rally, while “Who Let The Dogs Out” blasted from overhead speakers, supporters of Sarah Pawlin called for Douglas to be put to sleep and said they were afraid of him.

“Now, wait a minute. Douglas is a good cat. You don’t have to be afraid of him,” said McCairn Terrier. “That is, unless you’re playing Here Comes the Snake and you’re wearing short sleeves. Then, you should be careful. You also should be careful if you’re drinking orange juice, or you’ll end up sharing it. I don’t want to hear any more about putting him to sleep, either, while he’s still healthy. Benny’s a good boy, too.”

The Pawlin fanatics were not pacified with this, and continued to howl and hiss like rabid Alaskan Malamutes. “But Benny’s a Persian!” screamed one. “No, he’s a long-hair Manx,” countered McCairn Terrier.

A Douglas spokesperson thanked McCairn Terrier for his comments, and invited him to share some orange juice with Douglas after the election.


Douglas and Benny: We Have No Earmarks

October 8, 2008

For those supporters who were wondering, neither Douglas nor Benny have ear marks. Both cats have ears that are completely black, with no stripes, patches, or other distinguishing marks.

Vote Manx 2008! Put a Black Cat in the White House!


Benny Takes Vested Interest in Safety

October 3, 2008

Manx Party VP catidate Benny arrived at Thursday night’s vice presidential debate wearing blaze-orange hunting safety gear.

Benny and Douglas are not yet protected by the Secret Service. However, Benny’s concern was due to Repub-lick-can Sarah Pawlin’s stance on animal rights.

Pawlin is a strong advocate of shooting wildlife from airplanes, among other cruelties. The catpaign says “Benny, being that he will be in close proximity to gun-toting Pawlin, is taking no chances, fearing that Pawlin could mistake the black, furry Manx cat for a bear cub, whip out a pistol, and gun Benny down.”

“That’s not putting country bears—or cats—first.”


The Douglas Debate

September 26, 2008

 

As Senators McCairn Terrier and Obamanx arrived at the University of Mississippi this evening for their first presidential debate, they were surprised to find Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas, ready for action. “We know that historically, candidates named Douglas perform well in debates, so naturally we wanted Douglas to participate,” said his catpaign manager.

The senators and Douglas, moderated by Jim Lehrer, answered questions about the economy and foreign policy, and the audience agreed not to applaud, cheer, or open any cans of Meow Mix Wholesome Goodness cat food. Part of the transcript follows:

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, what is your opinion on the current financial crisis?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, would you like to comment on whether or not the United States should intervene in Cuba?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

McCairn Terrier: “Come on, this is ridiculous. I’m not going to debate this black cat. He’s soft on spending, he’s soft on Communism, he’s soft on”

Obamanx: “Pss, pss, pss, Douglas, want some marshmallows?”

McCairn Terrier: “That’s not fair! Obamanx is influencing the catidate! I knew I shouldn’t have showed up! Shoot him, Sarah!”

Obamanx, now joined by Douglas at his podium: “Who’s a good boy? Yes, we eat out of cans! Can you catch the marshmallow?”

Lehrer: “Thank you, everyone. Good night, and may the best black cat win!”


Benny Welcomes Palin

August 30, 2008

Yesterday, the Repub-lick-can presumptive nominee, John McCairn-Terrier, appointed Sarah Pawlin to be his vice president. I welcome Ms. Pawlin to this important race. However, her ideas for leading our country are as wrong as can be, as are McCairn’s. More tax breaks for the rich, a continuation of the misguided war in Iraq, and cur-tailment of women’s rights are just a few examples of Repub-lick-can warmed-over leftovers that should have been thrown out years ago.

But in particular I want to draw attention to Pawlin’s dangerous, backward views towards our planet’s animal world. Her positions can be summed up in the photo below. An avid member and advocate of the National Rifle Association, Ms. Pawlin hunts, shoots and kills our beloved, beautiful moose and bear friends, and then uses them for food or—worse—for furniture.

We cannot let even more of our wildlife and wilderness be destroyed by such cruelty. Please join our Douglas-Benny catpaign today, and make our world a better place—a place that is safe for all living creatures to live and grow. Thank you.


Douglas and Benny: We Know Where We Live

August 21, 2008

Manx Party presidential catidates Douglas and Benny had to sniff when John McCairn Terrier didn’t know how many homes he had. ” ‘I’m not sure, I’ll have to check with my staff,’ said McCairn Terrier. So they asked his staff and he said, ‘At least four.’ ”

“Douglas and Benny know where they live. They only have one home, with their owners, who take good care of them,” said a Douglas spokesperson. “But just a few years ago, Benny didn’t have a home at all. He lived outside and slept in a different place every night, until some kind people in Michigan helped him. Douglas and Benny want every cat to have just one home, and urge you to adopt a cat from your local shelter today. And Vote Manx!”

The catidates are resting up before the whole world’s watching the Manx Party Convention, scheduled for CelticFest weekend in September at the Chicago Hilton and Towers.