McCairn Terrier: Douglas Is A Good Cat

October 12, 2008

Repub-lick-can presidential candidate John McCairn Terrier, at a rally in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, expressed his admiration for Douglas. At the rally, while “Who Let The Dogs Out” blasted from overhead speakers, supporters of Sarah Pawlin called for Douglas to be put to sleep and said they were afraid of him.

“Now, wait a minute. Douglas is a good cat. You don’t have to be afraid of him,” said McCairn Terrier. “That is, unless you’re playing Here Comes the Snake and you’re wearing short sleeves. Then, you should be careful. You also should be careful if you’re drinking orange juice, or you’ll end up sharing it. I don’t want to hear any more about putting him to sleep, either, while he’s still healthy. Benny’s a good boy, too.”

The Pawlin fanatics were not pacified with this, and continued to howl and hiss like rabid Alaskan Malamutes. “But Benny’s a Persian!” screamed one. “No, he’s a long-hair Manx,” countered McCairn Terrier.

A Douglas spokesperson thanked McCairn Terrier for his comments, and invited him to share some orange juice with Douglas after the election.


Benny Takes Vested Interest in Safety

October 3, 2008

Manx Party VP catidate Benny arrived at Thursday night’s vice presidential debate wearing blaze-orange hunting safety gear.

Benny and Douglas are not yet protected by the Secret Service. However, Benny’s concern was due to Repub-lick-can Sarah Pawlin’s stance on animal rights.

Pawlin is a strong advocate of shooting wildlife from airplanes, among other cruelties. The catpaign says “Benny, being that he will be in close proximity to gun-toting Pawlin, is taking no chances, fearing that Pawlin could mistake the black, furry Manx cat for a bear cub, whip out a pistol, and gun Benny down.”

“That’s not putting country bears—or cats—first.”


Benny Sits Up for Animal Rights at Debate

October 3, 2008

Even though Manx Party vice-presidential catidate Benny couldn’t physically stand as tall as the two humans, nevertheless the little, furry, black contender stood up for the rights of animals at Thursday night’s debate.

Decrying the lack of concern for the rights of animals, Benny especially tore into Pawlin’s record of supporting airplane hunts, and her carelessness towards the creatures that inhabit Alaska.

“Pawlin is good with the sound bites, but her regard for our noble beast friends is almost non-existent”, said a spokesperson for the Douglas-Benny catpaign.

After the debate, Democat Senator Bitin said he shares Benny’s feelings, and will work to restore animal rights if he becomes vice-president.


Douglas-Benny: “Pause for Paws”

September 16, 2008

Repub-lick-can Sarah Pawlin is an advocate of hunting animals from an airplane.  Today, the Douglas-Benny Manx Party ticket launches “Pause for Paws”. Take a moment out of your day to think about the barbaric, inhumane practice of shooting defenseless wolves and other creatures from the air, for sport. Support Douglas for President, and Benny for Vice-President. Together, they will put an end to the cruelty.


Benny Thoroughly “Veted”

September 2, 2008

Unlike Sarah Pawlin, vice-presidential nominee of the Repub-lick-can Party, Manx Party VP choice Benny has been thoroughly and completely veted. By a team of veterinarians.

While Pawlin’s record and credentials apparently were not checked sufficiently by the McCairn-Terrier campaign, Benny’s have been exhaustively researched by animal hospital vets, in both Michigan and Illinois, who are experts at this sort of thing. 

The Douglas-Benny ticket’s thoroughness is an example of how they will govern. We urge everyone to join the catpaign today!


Benny Welcomes Palin

August 30, 2008

Yesterday, the Repub-lick-can presumptive nominee, John McCairn-Terrier, appointed Sarah Pawlin to be his vice president. I welcome Ms. Pawlin to this important race. However, her ideas for leading our country are as wrong as can be, as are McCairn’s. More tax breaks for the rich, a continuation of the misguided war in Iraq, and cur-tailment of women’s rights are just a few examples of Repub-lick-can warmed-over leftovers that should have been thrown out years ago.

But in particular I want to draw attention to Pawlin’s dangerous, backward views towards our planet’s animal world. Her positions can be summed up in the photo below. An avid member and advocate of the National Rifle Association, Ms. Pawlin hunts, shoots and kills our beloved, beautiful moose and bear friends, and then uses them for food or—worse—for furniture.

We cannot let even more of our wildlife and wilderness be destroyed by such cruelty. Please join our Douglas-Benny catpaign today, and make our world a better place—a place that is safe for all living creatures to live and grow. Thank you.