The Douglas Debate


As Senators McCairn Terrier and Obamanx arrived at the University of Mississippi this evening for their first presidential debate, they were surprised to find Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas, ready for action. “We know that historically, candidates named Douglas perform well in debates, so naturally we wanted Douglas to participate,” said his catpaign manager.

The senators and Douglas, moderated by Jim Lehrer, answered questions about the economy and foreign policy, and the audience agreed not to applaud, cheer, or open any cans of Meow Mix Wholesome Goodness cat food. Part of the transcript follows:

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, what is your opinion on the current financial crisis?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

Lehrer: “Mr. Douglas, would you like to comment on whether or not the United States should intervene in Cuba?”

Douglas: “Eck.”

McCairn Terrier: “Come on, this is ridiculous. I’m not going to debate this black cat. He’s soft on spending, he’s soft on Communism, he’s soft on”

Obamanx: “Pss, pss, pss, Douglas, want some marshmallows?”

McCairn Terrier: “That’s not fair! Obamanx is influencing the catidate! I knew I shouldn’t have showed up! Shoot him, Sarah!”

Obamanx, now joined by Douglas at his podium: “Who’s a good boy? Yes, we eat out of cans! Can you catch the marshmallow?”

Lehrer: “Thank you, everyone. Good night, and may the best black cat win!”


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