Pittsburgh Says: Douglas Needs Elected N’at

Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas made a campaign stop at a Jynt Iggle store near dahntahn Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania yesterday. Wearing a Terrible Towel, Douglas ate some chipped chopped ham and some Snyder’s Potato Chips, along with a LadyLock. He drank out of the spicket after some nebbynosed people noticed he hadn’t scrubbed his teeth.

“Like the Stillers, Douglas is a winner,” said a local spokesperson. “Plus, he has black fur and gold eyes, and his owner speaks Pittsburghese because her family is from Ahia. Hopefully, by THANKSgiving, he and Benny will be in the White House, and Kaufmans will be back dahntahn.”

Douglas later visited Carnegie-Mellon University, wearing his Douglas tartan, and then stopped at the FedEx office near Coraopolis before flying out of Aliquippa with several bags of Snyder’s for his owner.

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