“Welcome and thank you ladies, gentlemen, cats, dogs and other animals here today. I’m Benny, and I’m here in Paw Paw, Michigan today to inaugurate the 2008 Douglas-Benny presidential campaign [applause]. And in January 2009, we hope you’ll all be in Washington, D.C. to inaugurate Douglas as the next president of the United States [applause].
Paw Paw is near the epicenter for the stray Manx cat population. I ought to know. I was one of them. My lucky day came near Richland, Michigan, when the Hill family kindly fed me. That gradually led to me being adopted, and now I have a safe, warm home. And boy, do we need the warmth on a day like this [laughter].
However, many, many cats haven’t been very lucky at all, and that’s especially true here in the southern Michigan area. These poor cats have to find a place to sleep every night, and they have to worry whether they will survive the night. This is wrong, and as vice-president I will do all I can to help these strays find a better life.
And when we give these strays a good home, we need to also provide good veterinary care for them. That means more research into feline diseases such as FIV. As a victim of FIV myself, I’ll bring a special understanding to my role as an advocate of a cure for this disease which affects millions of cats like myself. And we’ll remove the stigma that prevents FIV cats from being adopted.
I urge humans who wish to bring a cat into their lives to consider adopting a stray from your local shelter. And I ask them to consider an FIV-inflicted cat, because we can live long, healthy lives and we make the best pets.
I thank you for coming out on this very cold morning. Won’t you help Douglas and me as we claw our way to victory in November? Join our campaign at douglasbenny2008.wordpress.com! Have a good day!”