Benny Welcomes Palin

Yesterday, the Repub-lick-can presumptive nominee, John McCairn-Terrier, appointed Sarah Pawlin to be his vice president. I welcome Ms. Pawlin to this important race. However, her ideas for leading our country are as wrong as can be, as are McCairn’s. More tax breaks for the rich, a continuation of the misguided war in Iraq, and cur-tailment of women’s rights are just a few examples of Repub-lick-can warmed-over leftovers that should have been thrown out years ago.

But in particular I want to draw attention to Pawlin’s dangerous, backward views towards our planet’s animal world. Her positions can be summed up in the photo below. An avid member and advocate of the National Rifle Association, Ms. Pawlin hunts, shoots and kills our beloved, beautiful moose and bear friends, and then uses them for food or—worse—for furniture.

We cannot let even more of our wildlife and wilderness be destroyed by such cruelty. Please join our Douglas-Benny catpaign today, and make our world a better place—a place that is safe for all living creatures to live and grow. Thank you.

Douglas and Benny: We Know Where We Live

Manx Party presidential catidates Douglas and Benny had to sniff when John McCairn Terrier didn’t know how many homes he had. ” ‘I’m not sure, I’ll have to check with my staff,’ said McCairn Terrier. So they asked his staff and he said, ‘At least four.’ “

“Douglas and Benny know where they live. They only have one home, with their owners, who take good care of them,” said a Douglas spokesperson. “But just a few years ago, Benny didn’t have a home at all. He lived outside and slept in a different place every night, until some kind people in Michigan helped him. Douglas and Benny want every cat to have just one home, and urge you to adopt a cat from your local shelter today. And Vote Manx!”

The catidates are resting up before the whole world’s watching the Manx Party Convention, scheduled for CelticFest weekend in September at the Chicago Hilton and Towers.

Happy Birthday, Douglas!

The Douglas-Benny catpaign today celebrated presidential catidate Douglas’ 14th birthday. Douglas was presented with a very large birthday cake made entirely out of marshmallows—his favorite treat.

All of Douglas’ mateys were there to join in the festivities, including VP catidate Benny. Benny ate a small bit of the cake, but then was later seen in the corner of the room eating a beef sandwich.

Also present was Douglas’ human catpaign manager, Becky. On this special day, Becky let Douglas bite as much as he wanted to, as long as it wasn’t her arm.

Benny has a beef with Taste

Benny

Vice-Presidential catidate Benny greeted hungry voters during a catpaign appearance at the annual Taste of Chicago over the 4th of July weekend.

Through a spokeshuman, Benny said that he “knows Americans were hungry for change, but that they are also just plain hungry! So—where’s the beef?!”

Quickly, Benny and his entourage vanished into the crowds. But soon thereafter he could be found sampling taste portions at the Ricobenny’s and Buona Beef booths.

Benny also announced that, as president, Douglas would call upon the festival organizers to dedicate two days at the end of the festival for cats and dogs only.

“There is much food that is leftover after the Taste, and we know how much our felines and canines love leftovers—especially when it’s people food!”

Douglas Statement on Midwest Floods

Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas toured flood-stricken areas of Illinois and Iowa last week. He helped scratch sand into sandbags with his paws, and surveyed water damage.

“Cats hate water, and Douglas wants to make sure that cats and dogs who live along rivers have safe homes. He also is upset to hear that farm animals are being abandoned. No animal should be unsafe because of floods. The Douglas-Benny administration will make sure of this,” a prepared statement read.

Skinny boy Douglas also responded to comments made by managers of the rock group Chicago that they wanted to play at a projected Demo-cat inauguration. “We have invited them to play ‘I’m a Manx’ at the upcoming Manx Party Convention.”

”Size doesn’t matter”—Douglas-Benny

While delivering a speech to a group of businessmen, John McCairn Terrier once again taunted the Douglas-Benny ticket. On stage, while pointing to a Dyson upright vacuum cleaner on the table behind him, McCairn said:

”My friends, how can Americans expect my feline opponents to face up to the terrierists if they can’t face a vacuum cleaner? How can they fight our enemies if they turn tail and run?”

Late Friday afternoon, the Douglas-Benny catpaign replied to McCairn’s remarks in a statement.

”McCairn’s comments, attempting to make physical size an issue, are unfortunate. Are we to believe that McCairn would remain standing, idly, in the middle of the street as a roaring bus headed straight towards him? Of course not. That would be extremely foolish. Yet, because of Douglas and Benny’s smaller stature, he mocks them for doing the equivalent of what he’d do in the same situation.”

”Douglas and Benny may be smaller in size, but their stature on the global stage will be respected and admired—not because of their physical dimensions, but because of the the leadership they will bring.”

”McCairn will be sorry when Douglas and Benny ’sweep’ the election in November!”

As a side note, the catpaign claims that, if elected, they will ask Congress to impose much stricter noise controls on vacuum cleaner producers AND bus companies, so as to make them ”pet- and people friendly”.

Douglas Clinches Manx Party Nomination; Sends Best to Ted Kennedy

Following Manx Party primary victories in West Virginia, Kentucky, and Oregon, the Douglas-Benny ticket now has enough pledged delegates for the nomination. The whole world will be watching when the black cat duo is formally nominated at the Manx Party convention at the Chicago Hilton and Towers this summer.

A Douglas spokesperson also passed along Douglas’ best wishes for Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy. “Senator Kennedy has served the Boston Terrier community well over the past decades, and he’s also been a great friend of the Irish Setters, Water Spaniels, Terriers, and Wolfhounds. Like the Manx, the Irish never quit, and Douglas is sure that Ted will come out of this latest setback fighting. Douglas is sending him some Lucky Charms marshmallows.”

Ben Again: Indiana Supports Another Manxie

Indiana native Douglas, and his running mate Benny, swept the Indiana Manx Party primary this evening. The furry pair were also leading in North Carolina.

Benny, visiting French Lick, Indiana, gave the crowd his trademark “Hell-oo!” and had his spokesperson read a statement. “Twenty years ago, Indiana sent a Manxman, Dan Quayle, to the office of Vice President. He didn’t make either Indiana or the Manx look very good. But Benny will! We hope you will all continue to support the Manx Party through the November election. Vote Manx! Vote Douglas-Benny for New Littership as we Put a Black Cat in the White House!”

The Manx Party duo will be planning summer strategies over the next few weeks.

Hoosier Favorite Cat, Indiana?

Manx Party presidential catidate, and native Hoosier, Douglas kicked off his Indiana catpaign today in his owner’s hometown of Culver. He visited Cafe Max, renamed Cafe Manx for the day, and enjoyed some orange juice and marshmallows.

“We’re thrilled to be here on the banks of Lake Manx-inkuckee. Douglas wants to see every homeless cat and dog find homes,” said Douglas’ owner. “He knows that too many pets can’t answer the question: Hoosier owner? Let’s make sure all these cats and dogs get adopted, and that you all vote Manx in the upcoming primary. And I know all of you, too, so we’ll be checking!”

Douglas and his owner later visited the stables of the famed Black Horse Troop, chasing away some mice, before stopping in South Bend to shake paws with Notre Dame students and wish them a better football season next year.

Bennymania in Pennsylvania!

A Pennsylvania resident casts his write-in vote on Tuesday

VP catidate Benny provided the Manx Party with a sweep of the Keystone State today in Pennsylvania’s primary election.

The Douglas-Benny duo had, for weeks, been challenging the spouting-off of the the Repub-lick-can catidate John McCairn Terrier in particular. McCairn several times taunted both Douglas and Benny. In recent weeks, McCairn’s antics have tailed-off.

The big Manx Party primary win puts Douglas and Benny in a good position to stage victories in Indiana and in North Carolina. Douglas hails from the Hoosier state, and the catpaign says that Douglas feels very lucky that he will experience all of Indiana’s many charms.