”Size doesn’t matter”—Douglas-Benny

While delivering a speech to a group of businessmen, John McCairn Terrier once again taunted the Douglas-Benny ticket. On stage, while pointing to a Dyson upright vacuum cleaner on the table behind him, McCairn said:

”My friends, how can Americans expect my feline opponents to face up to the terrierists if they can’t face a vacuum cleaner? How can they fight our enemies if they turn tail and run?”

Late Friday afternoon, the Douglas-Benny catpaign replied to McCairn’s remarks in a statement.

”McCairn’s comments, attempting to make physical size an issue, are unfortunate. Are we to believe that McCairn would remain standing, idly, in the middle of the street as a roaring bus headed straight towards him? Of course not. That would be extremely foolish. Yet, because of Douglas and Benny’s smaller stature, he mocks them for doing the equivalent of what he’d do in the same situation.”

”Douglas and Benny may be smaller in size, but their stature on the global stage will be respected and admired—not because of their physical dimensions, but because of the the leadership they will bring.”

”McCairn will be sorry when Douglas and Benny ’sweep’ the election in November!”

As a side note, the catpaign claims that, if elected, they will ask Congress to impose much stricter noise controls on vacuum cleaner producers AND bus companies, so as to make them ”pet- and people friendly”.

Douglas Clinches Manx Party Nomination; Sends Best to Ted Kennedy

Following Manx Party primary victories in West Virginia, Kentucky, and Oregon, the Douglas-Benny ticket now has enough pledged delegates for the nomination. The whole world will be watching when the black cat duo is formally nominated at the Manx Party convention at the Chicago Hilton and Towers this summer.

A Douglas spokesperson also passed along Douglas’ best wishes for Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy. “Senator Kennedy has served the Boston Terrier community well over the past decades, and he’s also been a great friend of the Irish Setters, Water Spaniels, Terriers, and Wolfhounds. Like the Manx, the Irish never quit, and Douglas is sure that Ted will come out of this latest setback fighting. Douglas is sending him some Lucky Charms marshmallows.”

Ben Again: Indiana Supports Another Manxie

Indiana native Douglas, and his running mate Benny, swept the Indiana Manx Party primary this evening. The furry pair were also leading in North Carolina.

Benny, visiting French Lick, Indiana, gave the crowd his trademark “Hell-oo!” and had his spokesperson read a statement. “Twenty years ago, Indiana sent a Manxman, Dan Quayle, to the office of Vice President. He didn’t make either Indiana or the Manx look very good. But Benny will! We hope you will all continue to support the Manx Party through the November election. Vote Manx! Vote Douglas-Benny for New Littership as we Put a Black Cat in the White House!”

The Manx Party duo will be planning summer strategies over the next few weeks.