Hoosier Favorite Cat, Indiana?

Manx Party presidential catidate, and native Hoosier, Douglas kicked off his Indiana catpaign today in his owner’s hometown of Culver. He visited Cafe Max, renamed Cafe Manx for the day, and enjoyed some orange juice and marshmallows.

“We’re thrilled to be here on the banks of Lake Manx-inkuckee. Douglas wants to see every homeless cat and dog find homes,” said Douglas’ owner. “He knows that too many pets can’t answer the question: Hoosier owner? Let’s make sure all these cats and dogs get adopted, and that you all vote Manx in the upcoming primary. And I know all of you, too, so we’ll be checking!”

Douglas and his owner later visited the stables of the famed Black Horse Troop, chasing away some mice, before stopping in South Bend to shake paws with Notre Dame students and wish them a better football season next year.

Bennymania in Pennsylvania!

A Pennsylvania resident casts his write-in vote on Tuesday

VP catidate Benny provided the Manx Party with a sweep of the Keystone State today in Pennsylvania’s primary election.

The Douglas-Benny duo had, for weeks, been challenging the spouting-off of the the Repub-lick-can catidate John McCairn Terrier in particular. McCairn several times taunted both Douglas and Benny. In recent weeks, McCairn’s antics have tailed-off.

The big Manx Party primary win puts Douglas and Benny in a good position to stage victories in Indiana and in North Carolina. Douglas hails from the Hoosier state, and the catpaign says that Douglas feels very lucky that he will experience all of Indiana’s many charms.

Bennys Meet in Nation’s Capital

 

“Benny” offers Benny his favorite treats, as he mimics Benny’s favorite pose

WASHINGTON- Pope “Benny” (Benedict XVI) today praised America as a land of opportunity and hope as he celebrated the first public Mass of his U.S. pilgrimage, but he lamented that the nation’s promise fell short for blacks, Indians and felines. Hope for the future, he said, “is very much a part of the American cat’s character.”

Tens of thousands of worshippers and their pets filled Washington Nationals Park on a clear spring day and cheered both Bennys as they arrived in Benedict’s white popemobile, standing in the back and waving. The crowd grew to 46,000 (not including about 32,000 cats and dogs), and the demand for tickets doubled the supply, organizers said.

In brilliant spring sunshine, the pope walked down from the altar to offer Manx Party vice-presidential catidate Benny some Goodlife Recipe Beef & Chicken Blends treats— Benny’s favorite —near the end of Mass. Benny came running for the good taste of Goodlife Recipe Wholesome Delights Brand treats.

“Americans and their pets have always had hope,” he said during his homily. “Benny’s ancestors came to this country from the Isle of Man with the experience of finding new freedom and opportunity… and treats. And they told their tales —sorry, Benny— of finding nice, juicy mice.”

“To be sure, this promise was not experienced by all the inhabitants of this land; one thinks of the injustices endured by the native American peoples, by those brought here forcibly from Africa as slaves, or the defenseless animals shot and killed for ‘sport’, or abandoned on the streets without food or shelter.”

Pope Benny stopped short of blessing the Manx presidential ticket with a full-fledged endorsement.

 

Pittsburgh Says: Douglas Needs Elected N’at

Manx Party presidential catidate Douglas made a campaign stop at a Jynt Iggle store near dahntahn Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania yesterday. Wearing a Terrible Towel, Douglas ate some chipped chopped ham and some Snyder’s Potato Chips, along with a LadyLock. He drank out of the spicket after some nebbynosed people noticed he hadn’t scrubbed his teeth.

“Like the Stillers, Douglas is a winner,” said a local spokesperson. “Plus, he has black fur and gold eyes, and his owner speaks Pittsburghese because her family is from Ahia. Hopefully, by THANKSgiving, he and Benny will be in the White House, and Kaufmans will be back dahntahn.”

Douglas later visited Carnegie-Mellon University, wearing his Douglas tartan, and then stopped at the FedEx office near Coraopolis before flying out of Aliquippa with several bags of Snyder’s for his owner.

McCairn Sabotage?

One of the Douglas-Benny 2008 hindquarter’s main computers suddenly crashed on March 31st, causing serious problems for the campaign. The technical problems were repaired by Sunday morning, April 6th. However, the prime suspects in the case of the mysterious outage are McCairn Terrier presidential campaign operatives. Or, perhaps, McCairn himself.

Although there is no evidence at this time, the Manx Party hindquarters is calling for a full investigation. If it’s found that McCairn people purposely damaged the computer, a reimbursement of $239.45 will be sought by the Douglas-Benny 2008 campaign.

“This has taken a large bite out of our budget”, the co-chair of the Douglas-Benny 2008 campaign said today, “And someone’s responsible.”