Benny Again Manxhandled by McCairn

LOS GATOS, Calif.: Repub-lick-can John McCairn Terrier on Tuesday marched on stage where Manx VP catidate Benny was making a scheduled appearance.

Before Douglas-Benny supporters, McCairn interrupted the rally by grabbing Benny, lifting him up with both arms, and commandeering the microphone.

“My friends”, McCairn began, over loud boos from the audience, “our economy is on its back right now, just like my opponent here in this race. But now is no time to turn-tail and run away from the Repub-lick-can party to a party of animals.”

Manx security quickly apprehended McCairn, who was escorted off the stage and into his bus, which hurriedly pulled away. Benny was whisked to safety. The catpaign responded by deploring the actions of McCairn, and vowing to not tolerate any more interruptions by McCairn or his staff.

Douglas Live at Carnegie Hall

A variety of performers gathered at Carnegie Hall yesterday to show their support for the Douglas-Benny catpaign. The all-star concert began with Robin Gib singing “Ellan Vannin,” the Manx national song. Jerry Douglas and his band followed, playing “We Hide and Seek. They were joined by banjoist Bella Fleck and mandolinist David Grismanx for a few bluegrass standards, including “Foggy Manx Breakdown” and “Uncle Ben.”

Cellist Yo-Yo Manx played a few classical favorites, and he was followed by Cuban guitarist Eliades Ocicat. Catdog, led by former Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir, closed the show, and had the audience on their feet dancing to “China Cat Sunflower” and “Sugar Marshmallow.” At the end of the show, someone brought a Manx flag up to the front of the hall.

The Douglas-Benny campaign rolls on into Pennsylvania this week.

Benny: Big Gains Ahead

Benny spoke at a casino in front of a “Benny Big Game” video machine.

Mar. 15: ATLANTIC CITY, NJ— Manx VP Catidate Benny proclaimed his stand on several issues here today, chief among them animal rights.

“A Douglas-Benny administration will not take abuse of animals here in the U.S. lying down”, said the catpaign. “One of these issues is so-called ‘boutique hunting’. That is where well-to-do hunters pay a lot of money to go on private land for a private ‘hunt’ —if you can call it that. And it’s where such beautiful creatures as quail are purposely thrown up for the hunter to make them easier to kill.

By the way, this, in fact, is how Dick Choke-Cheney hunts, and we all know about the disaster that turned out to be. Those disasters seem to follow him around, don’t they?”

Benny also promised Atlantic City and the state of New Jersey would achieve “big gains economically” with his running mate Douglas in the White House. “You know what they say: always bet on black!”, said the furry feline.

Later, rock legend Bruce Springsteen joined Benny on stage. “Cats like us, Benny, baby we were born to run!”, he said, raising Benny high in the air in one hand.

It’s A Great Day For The Manx In Chicago

Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, and Douglas and Benny reminded everyone that the Isle of Man is in the Irish Sea at the Chicago St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

As Presidential cat-idates, Douglas and Benny walked in the VIP section at the beginning of the parade, with Mayor Daley, Governor Blagojevich, and all sorts of other Chicago and Illinois politicians. Both wore their “Sons and Daughters of St. Patrick” banners.

Later, Douglas rode on the Lucky Charms float, stopping to bat small boxes of the magically delicious marshmallow cereal with his paws to spectators. For once, Douglas was not the only individual throwing up along the parade route. Benny was the star of the National Manx Society’s trolley float that promoted the upcoming Celtic Fest as well as the Manx Party.

Douglas and Benny wish all their supporters a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Philly Feast with Benny!

Manx VP catidate Benny came to the City of Brotherly Love on a lovely March Wednesday, treating local Philadelphians to a real Philly Feast.

Supporters began gathering early across the street from historic Independence Hall at Philadelphia’s famed diner Benny’s Place. Arriving exactly on time at 1 p.m. to cheering crowds, the vice-presidential hopeful strode to the microphone. Benny’s trademarked “Hell-ohhh-ohhhh!” was met by a loud, standing ovation.

The hungry little Manx then sauntered into the diner, jumping up onto a seat at the counter. More cheers rang out when a catpaign spokesperson announced “Breakfast is on Benny today!”.

The restaurant, wall-to-wall with customers and the press, became a beehive of activity over the next half-hour, as platters of omelettes, pancakes, and waffles were quickly whisked from kitchen to table, to the delight of the patrons. Glasses were clinked and toasts to “Douglas and Benny in 2008!” were made.

For his part, Benny scanned the menu and decided to order the Meat Burrito —with bacon, sausage, AND ham— plus a “Benny’s Combo”, which included sausage, eggs and pancakes.

Despite the noisy diner, the feline Benny began to doze off after his feast, as the breakfast crowds began to disperse. Awakened by staff, Benny then posed outside the restaurant for some publicity photos, donning a pair of Ben Franklin glasses and a Benny’s Place chef’s hat.

It was an exciting time in Philadelphia. “We’re celebrating freedom here in Philadelphia today”, said the catpaign statement, ”and what better way to celebrate than to have our breakfast at Benny’s Place, across the street from that other, more famous “Benny’s Place”, and to have the freedom of choice that Philadelphia’s Benny’s Place extensive breakfast menu offers to us!”

Barack Obamanx: I Won’t Bully Benny

Demo-catic Presidential candidate Barack Obamanx spoke out today on the recent unpleasantness between Repub-lick-can John McCairn Terrier and Benny.

“My fellow Americans, and their pets, you see before you an example of the audacity of hope. He started from nothing – in fact, he was even homeless once – and now, Benny is running for Vice President. He didn’t let the lack of a tail get him down. Unlike Mr. McCairn, and unlike what my Demo-catic opponent probably would do, I promise you: I won’t bully Benny!”

The friendly Benny issued a response through his spokesperson: “Thank you, Mr. Obamanx. Together, we hope to put a Black Cat in the White House. Yes, we eat out of cans!”

Get Along, Little Douglas, in Wyoming

After winning the Wyoming Manx Party primary yesterday, Douglas thanked supporters and hissed at Repub-lick-can opposition John McCairn Terrier.

“Notice that as soon as he guaranteed the nomination, he immediately made fun of my running mate Benny? Is that very presidential? Is that how he’s going to treat foreign leaders and others who don’t agree with him? Can’t we all just get along?”

Douglas flew back to Chicago this morning so that he and Benny could appear in the South Side Irish St. Patrick’s Day Parade. He and Benny will also meet with their Pennsylvania campaign manager, Maddox the Manx, to plan their Keystone State strategy. Douglas is looking forward to pretzels in Philadelphia and ladylocks in Pittsburgh. Benny will hold a Manx Party town meeting at Benny’s Place in Philadelphia, next door to Independence Hall.

Benny Mocked by McCairn

McCairn Terrier, with inset of Benny photo

Aboard his campaign jet, Repub-lick-can presidential candidate Sen. John McCairn Terrier (R-AZ), openly mocked Manx Party VP catidate Benny in front of reporters.

Gesturing with both arms, McCairn, referring to a recently published photo of Benny, said “Does America really want the leader of the free world to be sitting in the Oval Office like this all day? I don’t think so.”

The developing dispute between the two catpaigns started when Benny, at a rally in San Antonio last week, was rudely interrupted and pushed aside by McCairn. Later, an angry, ears-back Douglas rebutted McCairn, declaring, thru a spokesperson, “One hundred years in Iraq equals nine lives”.

The Douglas-Benny catpaign plans to issue a statement addressing McCairn’s latest remarks some time today or tomorrow.

Douglas in 2008!

(Thanks to Jackie (UK) for the poster!)

Douglas: “100 Years Equals Nine Lives!”

Catpaigning in Texas last night, Douglas confronted Repub-lick-can Presidential candidate John McCairn Terrier after he rudely interrupted a Benny appearance.
“This guy thinks we should be bothering the Persians for 100 years. Doesn’t he know that 100 years equals nine lives? Does he want our service men and women, many of whom are cat owners, to be over there for nine lives? Does he want the Persians and their pets to be harassed as well?” Douglas seemed to say as he stared down McCairn Terrier.

The Repub-lick-can tried to distract Douglas with marshmallows, but since he didn’t use Lucky Charms, it didn’t work.